So I'm here in Nebraska... It's 45 degrees outside, the leaves are changing, the sun is shining, I'm listening to C-music (don't judge me!), and I'm surrounded by people who love me unconditionally. I mean, it's pretty wonderful :)
I do all my best thinking in Nebraska (where it's quiet and there are minimal distractions), and the Lord has been revealing some pretty wonderful things to me. Are you ready for this, friends?
1) OBEDIENCE. I'm not sure how many of you know this, but I was very close to taking a year off between my undergrad and Seminary. When I visited Southwestern for the second time last February, the LORD made it extremely clear to me that I was to go in the Fall. Even though I knew His call, I didn't really trust His timing, His sovereignty. I still worried about my application, my church letter, my acceptance - I mean I was terrified. This past summer I went to Nebraska to work at a treatment center with 12 teenage boys that had an array of disorders, and it was the most difficult and challenging task the LORD has ever laid before me. I absolutely loved it. I fell in love with with everything the LORD was doing through me with these kids; it was absolutely incredible. Saying goodbye to all of them in August was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and there was a voice in the back of my head still saying, "Katherine, don't go to Seminary... Stay here and work... The LORD clearly wants you here..." And the crazy thing is, I really wanted to listen to Satan. I lived in disobedience this summer - I didn't spend time with God daily, I let my work consume me, and I pretty much pushed God away every single day. The LORD really protected me in August when I stepped out in obedience and left a job that I absolutely loved, where I was making good money and changing these kid's lived - and moved to city where I knew no one and had nothing.
There's not much to say after that except I am so grateful for God's grace. I am exactly where I need to be right now at Seminary. I thought it was going to be a lot harder going back this past week and seeing those boys again. It was hard leaving them knowing that I would most likely never see most of them again, but there was peace that comes from the LORD when you're walking in the center of His will. That peace that transcends all understanding.
2) GOD'S LOVE. Last weekend when I was in College Station, I visited my old church. Butch, the pastor, preached an incredible sermon about God's love for us, and the LORD has really set his words on my heart this week. God's love is unrelenting, unconditional, and sacrificial. Christ's grace is far greater than our sin... God sees us as His masterpiece. His image. His likeness... Biblical love is a no-strings-attached commitment. We never have to question him or doubt His love because the cross settled it. Period.
3) CONTENTMENT. This is an area I struggle in continually... Being content in all circumstances: when my relationships fall apart, when I'm faced with financial difficulties, when I hear bad news, and when I'm tired and broken. I wrote this in my journal a couple of mornings ago: "My worth and my love for you shouldn't change! Why can't I understand that? Who do I fear change so much? Why can't I just be confident and content in you- even when my world is caving in around me? Father, how I desire to love you above ALL things - how much I desire to seek Your face and praise Your name even when my heart feels like it's breaking...". Easier said than done, yeah? That's my prayer though... And it's what the Lord desires for us.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power for Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 1 Cor. 12: 9-10
4) FRIENDS. I'm not even sure where to begin in this category. Holy golly how the LORD has abundantly blessed me with incredible followers of His way that pour into me and encourage me in my faith! God has given me community in Fort Worth so quickly. The friends that I have made here are all so different, but the LORD has brought all of us together so perfectly. My weeks are filled with so much laughter, spaghetti, pallets, movies, deep conversations, trips to Starbucks and Sonic, and joy!! The friends that God has given me in Fort Worth really make that city feel like home. I mean, how many friends would wake up at 3:40 am (after having gone to bed around 1am) to take someone to an airport an hour away (thanks GIL!!). Even though I'm loving my time here in Nebraska, I can not wait to be back home :)
"I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands. I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land." -Psalm 143:5-6
"You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip." - 2 Samuel 22:36-37
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
So why worry?
Why do we worry? I mean, more specifically, why do I worry over things I have absolutely no control over? I'm not going to lie about it - I'm really good at worrying.
Let me give you an example: Growing up I had serious attachment issues. I would become extremely attached to objects and people like nobody's business. When I was about 6 or 7 I remember randomly bursting into tears because I was terrified that one day my dog, Missy, was going to die. I mean - she wasn't even old - she was maybe 5, but I would freak out knowing that one day I would lose her. Who does that? Who worries about things that are going to happen 10 years down the road? I did. I still do...
I think it's because I feel like I need something constant, something tangible I can physically hold onto that's forever. That "thing" doesn't exist. The whole time God was jumping up and down screaming at me: "I'm right here! I'm forever - eternal - everlasting!", and I ignored Him. Now I have this incredible relationship with Christ, and I still find myself struggling with this sin. Obviously it's not to the same depth - I'm not getting hysterical over having to one day say goodbye to my couch (ask me about that story one day - it's pretty hilarious), but I still seriously struggle with worrying about things not in my control.
The LORD does not call us to figure out our own struggles or understand the trials we're going through. He calls us to be obedient. That's it. He calls us to step out on faith and trust in Him. He does not call us to complain and fake our way through those tasks He sets out before us and figure out the reasoning behind them - that's where the worrying comes in! Sometimes I think God laughs at me because I feel like I know how to take care of myself. I think I want control over my life because God just can't handle it. I mean, how ridiculous does that sound? He's GOD.
It's okay for me to not be in control. It's okay for me to not make lists all the time or not fill my days so there's no room for chaos. It's also okay for me to walk by faith not knowing the outcome but being assured it's God's will. Some of the most incredible testimonies in my life have come out of blind obedience to my Heavenly Father. I mean, I would never label myself a reckless person by any means, but in my Faith, some "recklessness" by a worldly standard is absolutely necessary. Sometimes the things the Lord calls us to do won't make sense, but it's in those moments that God is testing us and growing us. He's wanting us to choose Him - trust Him - pursue Him, even if it seems scary. He wants us to take His hand as He leads us somewhere new and different - knowing that He's about to rock our world.
Let me give you an example: Growing up I had serious attachment issues. I would become extremely attached to objects and people like nobody's business. When I was about 6 or 7 I remember randomly bursting into tears because I was terrified that one day my dog, Missy, was going to die. I mean - she wasn't even old - she was maybe 5, but I would freak out knowing that one day I would lose her. Who does that? Who worries about things that are going to happen 10 years down the road? I did. I still do...
I think it's because I feel like I need something constant, something tangible I can physically hold onto that's forever. That "thing" doesn't exist. The whole time God was jumping up and down screaming at me: "I'm right here! I'm forever - eternal - everlasting!", and I ignored Him. Now I have this incredible relationship with Christ, and I still find myself struggling with this sin. Obviously it's not to the same depth - I'm not getting hysterical over having to one day say goodbye to my couch (ask me about that story one day - it's pretty hilarious), but I still seriously struggle with worrying about things not in my control.
The LORD does not call us to figure out our own struggles or understand the trials we're going through. He calls us to be obedient. That's it. He calls us to step out on faith and trust in Him. He does not call us to complain and fake our way through those tasks He sets out before us and figure out the reasoning behind them - that's where the worrying comes in! Sometimes I think God laughs at me because I feel like I know how to take care of myself. I think I want control over my life because God just can't handle it. I mean, how ridiculous does that sound? He's GOD.
It's okay for me to not be in control. It's okay for me to not make lists all the time or not fill my days so there's no room for chaos. It's also okay for me to walk by faith not knowing the outcome but being assured it's God's will. Some of the most incredible testimonies in my life have come out of blind obedience to my Heavenly Father. I mean, I would never label myself a reckless person by any means, but in my Faith, some "recklessness" by a worldly standard is absolutely necessary. Sometimes the things the Lord calls us to do won't make sense, but it's in those moments that God is testing us and growing us. He's wanting us to choose Him - trust Him - pursue Him, even if it seems scary. He wants us to take His hand as He leads us somewhere new and different - knowing that He's about to rock our world.
- "Now therefore, my son, obey my voice as I command you." -Genesis 27:8
- "For the LORD your God is testing you, to know whether you love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him and keep his commandments and obey his voice, and you shall serve him and hold fast to him." - Deut 13:2-4
- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Phil 4:6-7
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