Trust

"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with JOY that is inexpressible and filled with GLORY." - 1 Peter 1:8

"but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." - 1 Peter 3:4

This past weekend I struggled - I allowed satan to gain footing in my life and steal my joy.

I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I love people. I love being surrounded by people, laughing, asking questions, making new friends - but this weekend I got burnt out. I stopped seeking the Lord and instead filled every waking moment with people. I mean, don't get me wrong, the past couple of weeks have been amazing. I never expected to make such incredible friends and become so close with them so quickly, but God is so good and he blessed me with community almost immediately.

It all comes down to being insecure. Yes, I know that these new friends love me and enjoy spending time with me, and yes I know that their love ultimately comes from the Lord - the most unconditional, unmovable, unfathomable love in all of heaven and earth. But this weekend I let satan sneak his way into my thoughts. I heard lies such as: "These people aren't really your friends... You don't even know them... They'll leave you in a heartbeat, and then you'll be all alone again." I guess I didn't realize just how much I fear loneliness... But even though I knew those were lies, that's not even the part that I really struggled with. The part that I really struggled with was how easily I was able to forget my Father in Heaven's love for me - the only love relationship that truly matters. Job lost EVERYTHING - friends, family, health - everything, and his cry to the Lord was still GLORY.

Saturday night when I was driving home from a friend's, the Lord very quietly reminded me of his steadfast love. He reminded me that His is the only relationship I can put all of my faith and trust - and every other relationship I place before that one is an idol. As I sat there, weeping before Him, I felt his overwhelming love and grace wash over me, and I knew I was already forgiven. He wants nothing more from us than ourselves - our broken, hurting, tainted, dirty selves. There is nothing else we can ever give Him. Why would I ever want to give my heart away to anyone else?

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me."
-Psalm 13:5-6

Divine Romance

Friday morning I wrote these words in my quiet time: "I live for this world, and I don't know why I can just lift my face and focus on You and what's eternal! Lord, I know that desire can only come from You. I've tried in my own strength, but I fail every time. Teach me how to love You and how to love Your people. I pray against apathy and laziness. REVIVE my heart and my spirit, Father! Wake me up from my slumber! Fix my eyes upon You!"

That night I drove into Dallas to spend the evening with Abby, and through her obedience to the Lord, He used her to speak brokenness and encouragement into my heart. I've allowed satan to have so many strongholds in my life, and for some reason I was unwilling to let them go. That morning when I prayed for revival of my heart, I had no idea that the Lord had already gone out before me and laid the path to break satan's hold in my life. I laid my complacency, pride, bitterness, fear, guilt, doubt, and disobedience down at His feet late Friday night, and this was the word He gave me:

"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: 'Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'" -Ephesians 5:13-14

I mean, how INCREDIBLE is our Heavenly Father that He loves us that much? I will never understand that kind of Grace and Compassion, but that's okay...

"The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love"

-Phil Wickham, "Divine Romance"