A new season!

So I'm back... It's been OVER a year since my last post, and I truly miss blogging! There is something...

...empowering?

...exciting?

...freeing?

...about spending some time writing something that means something to you - or something that is silly that you know will make someone smile and then pushing "publish post", not really knowing who is going to read it! I miss it. AND the wonderful and beautiful Ricci Humphrey turned my boring blog into something fabulous! So here I am blogging once again, and I'm super excited!

So where to start? I haven't really known what to blog about because I read all these intelligent and hilarious and thoughtful blogs, and I think, "Man, I wish I could write like that..." or "Wow... The LORD is doing some incredible things in her life! Is my walk with the LORD that strong?" And so I don't write - or I hit the snooze bar a few extra times and miss waking up with the joy and anticipation that comes when I start my day off right - depending on my LORD and Savior. And it hit me this morning - I spend more time comparing my walk with the LORD to other's, I often miss out on where the LORD is leading me...

So this morning when I was spending time with Him (sitting next to my mom in Nebraska!), I felt like God was trying to break through that crippling mindset I've managed to pick up.

"At the command of the LORD they camped, and at the command of the LORD they set out. they kept the charge of the LORD, at the command of the LORD by Moses." - Numbers 9:23

"Only let each person lead the life that the LORD has assigned to him, and to which God has called him..." - 1 Corinthians 7:17

Woah. I know it's kind of a "duh Katherine.." type thing, but why would I want to lead the life of someone else? The LORD has truly blessed me with some incredible men and women who have such a passion and fervor for the LORD, and sometimes I see their diligence and discipline and passion and automatically compare myself to them. What are they doing that I'm not? They seem so close to the LORD - how come I'm struggling in this area and they are not?

Writing all of this out makes it seem so foolish (which it is), but that is what goes through my head some of the time. And it really isn't that I'm not content where I am, because I am. But sometimes (and most of those sometimes occur when I am not daily in His Word) I try to do those things I see my friends are doing in my own strength, believing that if I can somehow alter myself to be more like them, I'll be closer to Him. And every single time I have tried to tack on something to my walk with the LORD without the Holy Spirit's prompting and conviction - I fail. Miserably. Which leads to me feeling like a failure and then I pull even further away from the LORD. Pretty messed up, eh?

So what am I doing comparing myself to others? It's easy to blame it on culture or the world - but I don't think that excuse really holds up for those who are living for Christ. And that excuse definitely doesn't make me feel any better...

"For those he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son..." - Romans 8:29

And there it is - the root of my sin. Who am I trying to conform to? Who am I trying to please? Because as far as I know, God created me to be me. He reached down and saved my life not because I looked like so-and-so or because I did this and that, but because he loved ME. Sanctification is a difficult process, but I am so thankful that I have a LORD and Savior that is not content to leave me where I am at. I am so thankful that I have the Holy Spirit inside of me that hits me in the face with a 2x4 when I need to be. And I am SO thankful for the life my Father has given me - for the passions He has given me and the strengths! Even the weaknesses are blessings - especially when they cause me to depend even more on the LORD...

I truly am excited about this season in my life. It's a season of hope and excitement; of change and discipline. But most importantly - It's MY season. It's the life the LORD has assigned ME. And that's pretty incredible...

Enjoy!

Katherine,
Hope you enjoy your bloggity-blog! It was very fun to make, so you better use it.

Have a fun weekend and I'll phone-date with you soon, friend!

Also... I hope you enjoy your little siggy that I did...



Ok... that's it. I'm going to call you now and tell you it's ready for pick up/delivery/whatever.

Love, Ricci

Oh Nebraska :)

So I'm here in Nebraska... It's 45 degrees outside, the leaves are changing, the sun is shining, I'm listening to C-music (don't judge me!), and I'm surrounded by people who love me unconditionally. I mean, it's pretty wonderful :)

I do all my best thinking in Nebraska (where it's quiet and there are minimal distractions), and the Lord has been revealing some pretty wonderful things to me. Are you ready for this, friends?

1) OBEDIENCE. I'm not sure how many of you know this, but I was very close to taking a year off between my undergrad and Seminary. When I visited Southwestern for the second time last February, the LORD made it extremely clear to me that I was to go in the Fall. Even though I knew His call, I didn't really trust His timing, His sovereignty. I still worried about my application, my church letter, my acceptance - I mean I was terrified. This past summer I went to Nebraska to work at a treatment center with 12 teenage boys that had an array of disorders, and it was the most difficult and challenging task the LORD has ever laid before me. I absolutely loved it. I fell in love with with everything the LORD was doing through me with these kids; it was absolutely incredible. Saying goodbye to all of them in August was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and there was a voice in the back of my head still saying, "Katherine, don't go to Seminary... Stay here and work... The LORD clearly wants you here..." And the crazy thing is, I really wanted to listen to Satan. I lived in disobedience this summer - I didn't spend time with God daily, I let my work consume me, and I pretty much pushed God away every single day. The LORD really protected me in August when I stepped out in obedience and left a job that I absolutely loved, where I was making good money and changing these kid's lived - and moved to city where I knew no one and had nothing.

There's not much to say after that except I am so grateful for God's grace. I am exactly where I need to be right now at Seminary. I thought it was going to be a lot harder going back this past week and seeing those boys again. It was hard leaving them knowing that I would most likely never see most of them again, but there was peace that comes from the LORD when you're walking in the center of His will. That peace that transcends all understanding.

2) GOD'S LOVE. Last weekend when I was in College Station, I visited my old church. Butch, the pastor, preached an incredible sermon about God's love for us, and the LORD has really set his words on my heart this week. God's love is unrelenting, unconditional, and sacrificial. Christ's grace is far greater than our sin... God sees us as His masterpiece. His image. His likeness... Biblical love is a no-strings-attached commitment. We never have to question him or doubt His love because the cross settled it. Period.

3) CONTENTMENT. This is an area I struggle in continually... Being content in all circumstances: when my relationships fall apart, when I'm faced with financial difficulties, when I hear bad news, and when I'm tired and broken. I wrote this in my journal a couple of mornings ago: "My worth and my love for you shouldn't change! Why can't I understand that? Who do I fear change so much? Why can't I just be confident and content in you- even when my world is caving in around me? Father, how I desire to love you above ALL things - how much I desire to seek Your face and praise Your name even when my heart feels like it's breaking...". Easier said than done, yeah? That's my prayer though... And it's what the Lord desires for us.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power for Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 1 Cor. 12: 9-10

4) FRIENDS. I'm not even sure where to begin in this category. Holy golly how the LORD has abundantly blessed me with incredible followers of His way that pour into me and encourage me in my faith! God has given me community in Fort Worth so quickly. The friends that I have made here are all so different, but the LORD has brought all of us together so perfectly. My weeks are filled with so much laughter, spaghetti, pallets, movies, deep conversations, trips to Starbucks and Sonic, and joy!! The friends that God has given me in Fort Worth really make that city feel like home. I mean, how many friends would wake up at 3:40 am (after having gone to bed around 1am) to take someone to an airport an hour away (thanks GIL!!). Even though I'm loving my time here in Nebraska, I can not wait to be back home :)

"I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands. I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land." -Psalm 143:5-6

"You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip." - 2 Samuel 22:36-37

So why worry?

Why do we worry? I mean, more specifically, why do I worry over things I have absolutely no control over? I'm not going to lie about it - I'm really good at worrying.

Let me give you an example: Growing up I had serious attachment issues. I would become extremely attached to objects and people like nobody's business. When I was about 6 or 7 I remember randomly bursting into tears because I was terrified that one day my dog, Missy, was going to die. I mean - she wasn't even old - she was maybe 5, but I would freak out knowing that one day I would lose her. Who does that? Who worries about things that are going to happen 10 years down the road? I did. I still do...

I think it's because I feel like I need something constant, something tangible I can physically hold onto that's forever. That "thing" doesn't exist. The whole time God was jumping up and down screaming at me: "I'm right here! I'm forever - eternal - everlasting!", and I ignored Him. Now I have this incredible relationship with Christ, and I still find myself struggling with this sin. Obviously it's not to the same depth - I'm not getting hysterical over having to one day say goodbye to my couch (ask me about that story one day - it's pretty hilarious), but I still seriously struggle with worrying about things not in my control.

The LORD does not call us to figure out our own struggles or understand the trials we're going through. He calls us to be obedient. That's it. He calls us to step out on faith and trust in Him. He does not call us to complain and fake our way through those tasks He sets out before us and figure out the reasoning behind them - that's where the worrying comes in! Sometimes I think God laughs at me because I feel like I know how to take care of myself. I think I want control over my life because God just can't handle it. I mean, how ridiculous does that sound? He's GOD.

It's okay for me to not be in control. It's okay for me to not make lists all the time or not fill my days so there's no room for chaos. It's also okay for me to walk by faith not knowing the outcome but being assured it's God's will. Some of the most incredible testimonies in my life have come out of blind obedience to my Heavenly Father. I mean, I would never label myself a reckless person by any means, but in my Faith, some "recklessness" by a worldly standard is absolutely necessary. Sometimes the things the Lord calls us to do won't make sense, but it's in those moments that God is testing us and growing us. He's wanting us to choose Him - trust Him - pursue Him, even if it seems scary. He wants us to take His hand as He leads us somewhere new and different - knowing that He's about to rock our world.

• "Now therefore, my son, obey my voice as I command you." -Genesis 27:8
• "For the LORD your God is testing you, to know whether you love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him and keep his commandments and obey his voice, and you shall serve him and hold fast to him." - Deut 13:2-4
• "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Phil 4:6-7

So why worry? He's got us, and there are no better hands to be in...

Trust

"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with JOY that is inexpressible and filled with GLORY." - 1 Peter 1:8

"but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." - 1 Peter 3:4

This past weekend I struggled - I allowed satan to gain footing in my life and steal my joy.

I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I love people. I love being surrounded by people, laughing, asking questions, making new friends - but this weekend I got burnt out. I stopped seeking the Lord and instead filled every waking moment with people. I mean, don't get me wrong, the past couple of weeks have been amazing. I never expected to make such incredible friends and become so close with them so quickly, but God is so good and he blessed me with community almost immediately.

It all comes down to being insecure. Yes, I know that these new friends love me and enjoy spending time with me, and yes I know that their love ultimately comes from the Lord - the most unconditional, unmovable, unfathomable love in all of heaven and earth. But this weekend I let satan sneak his way into my thoughts. I heard lies such as: "These people aren't really your friends... You don't even know them... They'll leave you in a heartbeat, and then you'll be all alone again." I guess I didn't realize just how much I fear loneliness... But even though I knew those were lies, that's not even the part that I really struggled with. The part that I really struggled with was how easily I was able to forget my Father in Heaven's love for me - the only love relationship that truly matters. Job lost EVERYTHING - friends, family, health - everything, and his cry to the Lord was still GLORY.

Saturday night when I was driving home from a friend's, the Lord very quietly reminded me of his steadfast love. He reminded me that His is the only relationship I can put all of my faith and trust - and every other relationship I place before that one is an idol. As I sat there, weeping before Him, I felt his overwhelming love and grace wash over me, and I knew I was already forgiven. He wants nothing more from us than ourselves - our broken, hurting, tainted, dirty selves. There is nothing else we can ever give Him. Why would I ever want to give my heart away to anyone else?

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me."
-Psalm 13:5-6

Divine Romance

Friday morning I wrote these words in my quiet time: "I live for this world, and I don't know why I can just lift my face and focus on You and what's eternal! Lord, I know that desire can only come from You. I've tried in my own strength, but I fail every time. Teach me how to love You and how to love Your people. I pray against apathy and laziness. REVIVE my heart and my spirit, Father! Wake me up from my slumber! Fix my eyes upon You!"

That night I drove into Dallas to spend the evening with Abby, and through her obedience to the Lord, He used her to speak brokenness and encouragement into my heart. I've allowed satan to have so many strongholds in my life, and for some reason I was unwilling to let them go. That morning when I prayed for revival of my heart, I had no idea that the Lord had already gone out before me and laid the path to break satan's hold in my life. I laid my complacency, pride, bitterness, fear, guilt, doubt, and disobedience down at His feet late Friday night, and this was the word He gave me:

"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: 'Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'" -Ephesians 5:13-14

I mean, how INCREDIBLE is our Heavenly Father that He loves us that much? I will never understand that kind of Grace and Compassion, but that's okay...

"The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love"

-Phil Wickham, "Divine Romance"